Mission Report: Pumpkin Spice 
Objective: Harvest Earth’s most valuable resource. Uncover the source of the spice. 
Allotted Time: Autumnal Season. 
Known Locations: Agricultural “Midwest.” 
Human Names: Tyler, Chad. 

Earth 2024, October 1st.

The air was crisp. Leaves crunched under his feet as he walked up the downtown of a small midwestern town. He stopped in front of a little shop—the one he told his partner to meet him at. To his knowledge, this town was the source of the spice. He adjusted his coat, his human teeth chattering. 

Home was never this cold. He was used to balmy breezes and the pink waves of their coastal planet. 

Humans passed him with paper cups from Starbucks clutched in their gloved hands. He wondered if the fabric around their neck kept them warm. He brought his foreign hand to his bare neck, the only thing protecting him a long coat. 

The adjustment from four hands to two hands had been a struggle. He had traded two arms for two extra phalanges on his hand. He still hadn’t figured out the function of the little finger. Tyler had to remind his partner that it wasn’t normal for humans to only use their thumb and two fingers. 

He checked his watch, growing impatient and cold. His partner—code name Chad—was late. They had been here for one week, and they were no closer to harvesting the spice. They only found a block of strange scented wax in a glass container. The old human told them to set it on fire. Apparently, it smelled good. Tyler felt the pressure of promotion looming over him. He’d been vying for a senior position for years, only to see younger employees move ahead of him. He was determined to move on, not just watch the new, zealous generation pass him by again. Just as he was about to give up, he finally spotted the human form of Chad running up to him. 

“You’re late,” Tyler grumbled as Chad huffed beside him. 

“Yes, yes I’m late. But I’m here!” Chad countered. 

Tyler would have asked where Chad had been, but he really didn’t care. Chad had probably been off exploring some human fascination. He was late yesterday over something called a “Big Mac.”

“Let’s just go inside. You know what we’re looking for,” Tyler said as he opened the door. The place smelled like cinnamon. It looked like the many little shops on this street. He nudged Chad as a way to tell him to split up. Tyler shoved his hands in his pockets. He approached the clerk who smiled at him with crooked teeth. 

“I’m looking for anything to do with pumpkins or pumpkin spice. Can you help me?” He tried to make his tone polite and calm 

The clerk nodded her head, her curls bouncing on her head. “All my fall stock is on the wall. I’ll bet you’ll find what you are looking for.” She had a perpetual smile. 

Tyler tipped his head and mumbled his thanks. He doubted what she said was true. The last few stores had fall wares, but it was all strange decorations. There were pumpkins, but they were small and smelled like nothing. They were oddly shiny and perfect, not at all like the ones they saw in orientation. Just like Tyler anticipated, the wall in question had the same decor, including a wood sign with painted words that said “Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice.” Tyler cringed. 

He looked around to see if Chad had any luck. Instead he saw him walking back to the bathroom. After a few minutes, he heard the clomping steps of his partner running up to him. 

“Tyler! I’ve found it!” he exclaimed, not grasping that humans preferred to keep to themselves and not make scenes. 

“Would you quiet down?” Tyler hissed and pulled his partner’s coat towards him. “We walk and talk, remember? Didn’t you pay attention in orientation?”

Chad couldn’t have cared less about their procedures. In his hand was a pamphlet crushed between his fingers. “I found it!” Pride laced his tone. “I have found the source of the spice.” He thrust the pamphlet into Tyler’s hands. 

Tyler opened the crumbled pamphlet and felt the corners of his mouth upturn. A picture of a field of large orange fruits stared at him, surrounded by the words: Weston’s Family Pumpkin Patch. The relief of discovery washed over him. Finally, they were one step closer to their objective—which meant they were one step closer to going home. 

“Good,” Tyler smiled as he folded the pamphlet. “Where did you find this?” Chad shrugged. “You’d be surprised what you can find on the way from the bathroom! These were on the desk right at the front by the clerk.” 

Frustration lodged deep in Tyler’s bones. He was right there and he had missed it. He could see the promotion slipping through his fingers. If this were another dead end, they would have to start over again. 

They left the store and began the trek to the patch. Chad yapped for the entirety of the walk to the patch. Tyler pretended to listen. This was the extent of their working relationship.

It was the sign by the side of the road which read, “Weston’s Family Pumpkin Patch,” that shut Chad up. The two men looked ahead to see a sprawling field of green and orange. They had seen photographs of pumpkins in orientation, but they didn’t do them justice. Children ran around with their parents, pointing at the biggest pumpkins. It didn’t smell like the stores with their warmth and spice. This place smelled of dirt. 

“Can I help you two?” An old man with a piece of hay in his teeth smiled. “I’m Gary, ya here for punkins?” His voice was bright. “Punkins are five fer small ‘uns, seven for them medium ‘uns, and twelve fer the bigguns.” His language was confusing. It definitely wasn’t the English they had learned in orientation. 

Chad stepped forward, “So how do you harvest the spice—” 

“We are just here to look around,” Tyler quickly interjected. He could not afford to have Chad blow their cover out of sheer stupidity. 

Gary furrowed his scraggly brows. “Yuns ain’t from here are ya?” He asked. “Yuh got that there northern accent.” 

Tyler nodded, “Yes sir.” 

“Go on then, get yuns some punkins! Enjoy yourselves.” 

The two men smiled and began following the paths lined with pumpkins. Nothing here screamed pumpkin spice except for the pumpkins themselves. “Maybe we have to break one open? You know, maybe the spice is inside?” Chad suggested. 

Tyler pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. “The spice is a powder, Chad. We learned in orientation that it’s made from pumpkins, not found in pumpkins. If it was as easy as breaking open a pumpkin, do you think that the company would need to send us here to search for it?” he snapped. 

Chad held up his hands in defense and mouthed something Tyler didn’t care to see. He was beginning to feel like this was a dead end. 

Ahead of them, a young woman stood behind a table. She had a small group of onlookers. Chad hit Tyler’s shoulder. “There, there! I’ll bet the spice is in the seeds!” He dragged Tyler to the table. The girl was pretty. She had a nice smile and an accent similar to the old man’s. Except hers was soft. 

“Does anyone wanna try a punkin seed?” She asked as she ripped a handful of seeds from the stringy flesh. Orientation didn’t warn them that the harvesting of spice was so violent. Immediately, Chad’s hand shot in the air. The girl beckoned him forward, and Chad popped the seed in his mouth. Tyler leaned forward, awaiting the moment when his eyes lit up at the taste of spice. 

It never came.

Chad chewed. Then he coughed. He sputtered. He hacked and looked at Tyler, a panicked expression painting his face. 

“Breathe, Chad. Just swallow it.” Tyler instructed. Chad of course did the opposite. He rejected the seed and spit it up into his own hand. Tyler grimaced. Chad looked at the girl with the expression a child gives their parents when something tastes funky. “It’s bland…” he whined.

The girl laughed, “Well of course it is silly! They taste better after they’ve been roasted with some salt. Be careful, you have to chew it good before you swallow.” Chad’s mouth made an O. “So that’s how you get pumpkin spice? You cook the seeds?” 

The girl’s smile fell. She shook her head, a confused look on her face. “Hun, no…” she said awkwardly. “Punkin spice isn’t made of punkins, silly.” She said this as if everyone knew it. 

Chad’s face became a deep red. His mouth opened to speak, but only sputters came out. He looked as if he might cry. 

Tyler rushed up, giving the girl an apologetic look, “Thanks for the demonstration.” He mumbled and pulled Chad along. It was hard to leave the pretty human, but it was harder to watch Chad. It seemed they couldn’t go anywhere without Chad making some sort of scene. They kept going until they reached the end of the patch. “You have to calm down, Chad.” 

“Pumpkin spice isn’t even made of pumpkins! Why would they call it pumpkin spice if it wasn’t pumpkins?!” 

Tyler hushed Chad and forced himself to breathe. Tyler was beginning to feel the panic settle in. His promotion was gone, out the window. He didn’t know where else to go. Orientation hadn’t prepared them for the very real possibility that they wouldn’t find the spice. Tyler was about to call it quits, but then he heard something that renewed his hope. 

“Did you hear? Starbucks released their fall menu!” Two women passed them, little pumpkins in their arms. 

“Really?!” the other girl exclaimed. “Thank goodness, I’ve been dying to get a pumpkin spice latte!” 

Tyler and Chad slowly looked over at one another. 

“The mission isn’t over yet. There is still one place we haven’t checked,” Tyler said, his voice hushed. That was right. The place they feared to go since they arrived a week ago. The place that all of humanity clambered to. The place Tyler and Chad trembled before its majesty and wonder. 

“Starbucks…” Chad whispered. 

“Yes, Chad…Starbucks.”

***

It was glorious. They stood, arm to arm, in front of the glass doors. Humans walked in and out, drinks in their hands. The men didn’t stare in awe at the humans, they stared at the decorations on the window. Orange and red leaves were drawn with the wind behind them. Pumpkins and coffees were drawn in angles. The words said, “Pumpkin Spice Is Back!” 

This was the culmination of their mission. The pumpkin spice latte. Everything humans worshiped. They were about to taste humanity’s elixir of life. “I can’t wait!” Chad exclaimed, “You have the money?” 

Tyler nodded. 

They walked inside and were inundated with that smell of spice. It wrapped around their nostrils. The warmth permeated into their bones. All around them were young humans, clicking away on devices with screens. Not only had they found the spice…but the overlords as well. The pale women were terrifying. Their eyes were set on the hot cups beside them. They drank from the things desperately. They didn’t look up at the men. The pale women were too important, too busy making the world go around on their screens. 

Tyler led Chad over to the counter. One of the pale overlords stood behind the counter. 

“What can I get you?” she asked in a monotone voice. 

“One hot pumpkin spiced latte.” Tyler’s voice quivered. 

“What size?” She was annoyed. 

Tyler didn’t know how to answer this. He just stared. 

“What, have you never ordered coffee before?” she asked sarcastically. “Grande it is.” She punched the order into her screen. “Five seventy-five.” 

Tyler snapped to life and dug out the money. The woman took it and motioned to the bar. “Down at the end.” She wanted them gone. 

The waiting was agonizing. Tyler felt his heart pounding. After this, they could go home! No more confusing human customs. Only pink shores and clear skies. Chad tapped his foot. Minutes droned on…until finally, “Pumpkin Spice Latte?” 

Tyler looked at Chad. They hesitated for a minute. Tyler breathed deeply. This was everything they worked for. Chad reached forward and grabbed the cup. He stepped back from the counter.

“Let me try it first, Chad.” Tyler reached out for the cup. 

“How come you get to try it?” Chad snapped and held the cup away.

Tyler reached out again, “Because I’m your superior. I’m the one up for promotion, give me the drink!” Tyler huffed and tried to snatch the cup. “I found the pumpkin patch! I should try it!”

Chad stepped back, tripping over his shoe. He stumbled, causing some of the liquid to spill out. The orange stain seeped into his jacket. Tyler looked at him deadpan. He grabbed the cup. 

“This is why I handle things,” Tyler grumbled. He looked at the cup and then at Chad. Slowly, he tipped the cup up and let the drink slip past his teeth. He shoved the cup to Chad who took a greedy gulp. The moment was silent. 

“It’s biting my tongue!” Chad whined as his whole body shuddered. 

Tyler took the cup back and sucked down a large drink. His face contorted and he held the cup out. “This is it? This is what makes Earth efficient?” He smacked his lips, “We can’t bring this back home!” Tyler exclaimed. 

Chad was coughing and sputtering. He wiped his tongue on his sleeve as if he was trying to scrape the flavor off of his tongue. “But what about the promotion?” 

Tyler set the foul drink on the counter. “I don’t think I need that promotion after all.”

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This story was the winner of The Company’s 2024 Fall Writing Contest!

Breanna Siburt

Breanna Siburt is the Relationship Education Director at Open Arms Pregnancy Center. She is passionate about creating stories, songs, and art for the glory of God. She currently resides in Cambridge, Ohio with her husband, Joseph, and her dog, Bean.