Beneath the unbroken blue
A crystal clear mirror
Reflecting and refracting
the glaring sunlight
Rays of sun strike the sapphire surface
Pushing, breaking through
Warmth blends with the cold current
Like an artist creating colors
Now a breeze blows over the water
The surface starts to ripple, stagger, break
The waves form like phantoms
Rising up from the deep
The sky above darkens
Casting shadows upon the sea
Like a child who fears the night
The bright sun hides his face
As the wind blows
The waves grow
Stronger and harder
A storm emerges
The gale rips through the waves
Water erupts from the swells
But deep below the surface
The water remains calm
Undisturbed by the pressure
Undisturbed by the storm
This is great! Well done, Thirzah! 😊
Omg! Such imagery!
I love the movement in this poem and the progression. The way that each stanza increases in intensity creates power as it moves toward the final stanza.
I think it could be even more powerful by tweaking a few things.
I notice a lot of infinitives-if the “ing” words were converted to present tense verbs, it increases the immediacy of entire poem and puts the reader in the middle of the action instead of outside as an observer
-for example; in the first stanza the 2nd and 3rd lines could be reworked-also-reversing the word order in line 2-so that the strong noun is emphasized-it would look like this;
“Beneath the unbroken blue,
Moon, crystal, clear,
By eliminating the unnecessary articles as well, more weight goes to both the nouns and the verbs.
The commas slow the reading down creating contemplative pauses-
I love the noun verb combo “Sun strike” in the 2nd stanza -it’s such an active and powerful image but I’d start with that-the preposition weakens the phrase -I don’t think “rays” is necessary-(personal preference) but ‘sun rays strike’ or ‘Sun strikes’ increases the impact of the image.
The final stanza has such a sense of peace through strength. I love the resolution here. Personally-I’d add punctuation after “calm” so that the last two lines are considered by the reader in greater depth.
Those images along with the other ones in this poem create such a moving, living statement.
This was really nice, and breathtaking as I imagine every scene