As a single mother, I was often overwhelmed and frazzled. Training up children is not for the faint of heart.
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The Dirtiest Teeth You’ve Ever Seen
He ate candy. Sticky stuff too, Reece’s peanut butter cups and taffies and suckers. Not that I minded candy much. I was human, I ate candy too. But one time Freddy walked into my room chomping on a sucker, grinding the pieces of rock-hard sugar into his molars.
Just Another Ordinary Day
I guess my past attempts at turning my crazy dream into reality was taking a toll on me, and I plucked out more gray hairs than I care to share. On top of that, my blush was nowhere to be found. That’s the moment I realized this wasn’t a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day,” but it was probably going to be “just another ordinary day.”
I’m Lost
My problem is that I use Google Maps, but I don’t trust it. It says turn right and I go straight. I don’t trust it because it’s silent for long periods of time. I’m like, “Are we still on speaking terms?”
I Can Pay Attention
I don’t frequently put the milk in the freezer. I do, however, frequently put things away in the wrong places by accident.
Please Don’t Drive
Every American knows how to drive. Here’s how I know. You bundle down your front porch out in the country and you look out at the road. What do you see? People? No. Trains? Never. No one’s ever seen a train moving. It doesn’t happen. Farm animals? If you live in Ohio,...
7 Reasons Every Waiter Should Pick their Nose
I’m here to tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. If you’re a waiter, you should pick your nose. Here’s why: 1. It’s fun. You can’t argue that it’s not fun. If you wanted to argue about it, you’d need a...
How to Third-Wheel Like a Pro
So, your friends are dating. And from some bizarre series of circumstances, it’s usually just the three of you hanging out. You…and them, the poor unsuspecting couple. Here’s my impossible to fail three-step process for third-wheeling like a pro: ...